Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
