How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
