Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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