Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
so let's talk penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
