I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
