Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
