fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
