I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
