I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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