having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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