Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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