You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
