When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
