why didn't you poke me back
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
