I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
