I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Randomize
