you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
