I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
