If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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