If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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