i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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