thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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