you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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