it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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