Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
