your room smells of hookers.
And success
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
