I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
