I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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