forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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