There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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