why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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