he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would ride that face into the sunset
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
