Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
