I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
