dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
