So gin and wine won't be happening again
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
