Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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