Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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