Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
