You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
