Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
