Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
