i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
