i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
