i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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