My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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