After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
