I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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