my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
