i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
