Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
love makes seman taste better
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
