First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
