Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
