don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
