I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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