8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
