Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
