remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
