It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
