i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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