have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
